Analyzing Reality

Poverty... will I ever understand it...???

The poverty here in the community is a lot worse than I first realized... or maybe it is just that I am getting to know the life and the people a lot better.

On one side I am feeling way more secure, happy, and comfortable in the community and where I am right now. I am getting more used to the daily life, learning bus routes, my spanish is improving, I am making friends, I can now get to everyone's house in the community without getting lost, the cold rainwater showers in the morning are now refreshing rather than dreadful...I am getting to know both the community and office dynamics better (but I still have a long ways to go!). I think a big part of my contentment and joy is that I know I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now and that is a truly good feeling. 

However, on the other side of things, there is a deep sadness that I am experiencing... I am not sure exactly how to describe it, but it is like I am grieving for the people, my friends, and the deep injustice they suffer everyday... something I had no idea about for most of my life... a suffering and reality that most of my friends and family back home in the US know very little about. Even though this grieving or sadness hurts, I think it is good. I am learning from it. I think it is the only way to experience true compassion for the people...

Recently I have come to notice a sadness that has settled in the air over the community. Even if I get fully wrapped up in the children's laughter during a dance or a game of duck-duck-goose, I feel it again when I walk by Daisy's house on my way home and Abel isn't there to tell me a joke, or when I get to my house and Ricardo isn't there playing with Diego... most of the men in the community are gone now. Two weeks ago almost every man in the community left for Honduras to get jobs working on cell phone towers there. The work is extremely dangerous and difficult, but of course it pays well - about $250 a month. The men will hopefully come home one or two days a month. 

Before leaving, Ricardo (my host dad) had a job working for the cooperative earning about $125 a month or $4/day for 8 hours of work per day. When he left, Alicia (my host mom) asked him if the job in Honduras was worth sacrificing his family. He said, "no it's not, but I don't have a choice... I have to support my family." The economic situation in the community is very difficult right now.

Everyone feels there absence. Not only emotionally, but physically. Women with little babies now have to out and work in the cornfields, and chop wood - among all their other daily chores.

The effect of poverty on the youth is something else that has been hitting me hard and has been contributing to the recent sadness in the community. In the past month, 3 girls from the community have moved in with their boyfriends (with or without their parents' permission).Of course the parents want more for their kids, but they cannot change the situation they are living in... Two of the girls are 13 and one is 16. The 16 year old actually surprised me the more than the two 13 year old's because I did not see it coming (and neither did anyone else in the community). Her parents had no idea it would happen until she was already gone. The girl was a close friend of mine and had a scholarship to study in the city for high school. She only lacked 3 weeks to finish 9th grade...but in that one night where she sneaked out of her house her entire life changes. When she decided to leave her family and move in with her boyfriend, everything changes. She stops going to school, stops participating in the youth activities, and mostly stays at home cooking and cleaning - only leaving to participate in things that her husband allows. It is a difficult thing to understand, and I can't say that I will ever understand it... the reality of the lives of these kids is so far from the life I lived and the reality I know that it is hard to even imagine their thoughts and feelings. 

I was talking to my boss, Anita, about it and she said something that hit me hard but helped me to understand a little. She basically said the kids and the youth have no hopes, dreams, or plans for their future.

For as long as I can remember I have had plans or dreams... when I was little I wanted to be a horse trainer, then a firefighter, then a teacher...and I have always wanted to travel - to El Salvador, Africa, Cuba... and I had plans to go to college and now I have plans to continue studying... but it is true that in the 2+ months I have been here I have never once heard the youth talk about their future or any sort of plans or dreams they might have.

I have been thinking about that a lot lately. I am going to find a way to start including the youth into my project. I want to find something that excites them or motivates them... but I must admit that I can't guarantee that I will find that "something" so more than anything I want to accompany them in their search for hope and for a better future.